Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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