I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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