I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
