she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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