i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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