We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
