GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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