somebody snuck up and got me drunk
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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