She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
