we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
