shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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