people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
