so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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