i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Boobs speak an international language.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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