Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
