I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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