well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
