Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
