I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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