How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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