2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
