I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
