You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
