the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
