i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
