Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
