Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
