I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
