just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
