pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize