All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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