Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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