I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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