like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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