What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
