He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
