he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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