I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is the high leading the old right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
