For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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