Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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