Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
