I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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