Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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