it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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