It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
