Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
