i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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