ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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