i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
