wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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