i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
