he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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