I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
