I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
