I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were trust falling into bushes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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