she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
