Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
