On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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