I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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