Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
