Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
