i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
