Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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