Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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