I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize