That's when you crack a 10am beer
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
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