Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
