the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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