problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
