Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
