She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
