He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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